Wow so its been over a month since I've written anything. With the end of school (literally as I'm transferring), and the beginning of summer. Today while sitting at home and wanting to do something I decided that it was time to write about all the things I've been thinking about lately. Today's song of choice (and title) is "Psalm 73 (My God's Enough)" by BarlowGirl.
Lately I've been feeling empty not really knowning what has been missing. These feelings became more and more present with the loss of my grandfather. Although we probably didn't have the best grandpa-grandson relationship there are things I will always remember about him. His LOVE of all things Minnesota Twins and Minnesota Gophers Football. It was one level that we truly had a great connection and will miss discussing the two. Even before his passing into God's arms I had been feeling empty.
This whole feeling seemed to start with the beginning of summer/end of the school year. In all the crazyness of finals and moving out I realized that I had become disconnected from God. I can't even remember when I had last read my bible, or prayed during the day. What happened? Why did I get so disconnected and start falling into habits that I HATE and am so ashamed of?
I feel like what happened to me was falling into the ways of the world and away from the ways of God. Near the end of my school year I put off and put off doing things with the group of people who cared about their relationship with God and instead went with my own agenda. I pushed them away and I pushed God aside. In the end I realized it was the dumbest mistake I could have ever made. The things I care about and strive for are not in this world, but are in God.
Psalm 73 goes like this :
1Surely God is good to Israel,
to those who are pure in heart.
2 But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
3 For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
4 They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong. [a]
5 They are free from the burdens common to man;
they are not plagued by human ills.
6 Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
7 From their callous hearts comes iniquity [b] ;
the evil conceits of their minds know no limits.
8 They scoff, and speak with malice;
in their arrogance they threaten oppression.
9 Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
10 Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance. [c]
11 They say, "How can God know?
Does the Most High have knowledge?"
12 This is what the wicked are like—
always carefree, they increase in wealth.
13 Surely in vain have I kept my heart pure;
in vain have I washed my hands in innocence.
14 All day long I have been plagued;
I have been punished every morning.
15 If I had said, "I will speak thus,"
I would have betrayed your children.
16 When I tried to understand all this,
it was oppressive to me
17 till I entered the sanctuary of God;
then I understood their final destiny.
18 Surely you place them on slippery ground;
you cast them down to ruin.
19 How suddenly are they destroyed,
completely swept away by terrors!
20 As a dream when one awakes,
so when you arise, O Lord,
you will despise them as fantasies.
21 When my heart was grieved
and my spirit embittered,
22 I was senseless and ignorant;
I was a brute beast before you.
23 Yet I am always with you;
you hold me by my right hand.
24 You guide me with your counsel,
and afterward you will take me into glory.
25 Whom have I in heaven but you?
And earth has nothing I desire besides you.
26 My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
27 Those who are far from you will perish;
you destroy all who are unfaithful to you.
28 But as for me, it is good to be near God.
I have made the Sovereign LORD my refuge;
I will tell of all your deeds.
I found myself envying the sinners and not being grateful for the things God had given me. In this life the things others have and the ways of life of other people are going to seem like better and easier choices. "They don't have a relationship with God, but look at them. They're beautiful, rich, happy, and have all the nicest things." Throw these thoughts away. Our God is enough for us. He provides us with the tools we need to do his will and we have to continue to trust him with our lives. He will not put us through anything we can't handle.
In Jeremiah 29:11 God says " 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." God has the ultimate plan for our lives. When we trust Him and His plan then shall we be whole and have true joy. I fell away from this belief. I fell away from the group of people that God had surrounded me with that knew these same things and that believed in them. I had seperated myself from God's word, and from going to Him with my problems and I felt empty and hollow. Now as I continue to work my way back to God and his son Jesus Christ I know the mistake of my actions and the stupidity of my thinking that I could survive without Him. I know this happens all the time and it happens to everyone. What a gracious and AMAZING God we have that he will welcome us back time and time again even when we push Him away.
Lord, I pray that you continue to welcome us back as we fall and push you away. God I thank you for your unending and AMAZING love. Lord continue to lead us to you and to help us to trust you plan for our lives. I thank you God for the wonderfully amazing friends that you have surrounded me with. I love each and everyone of them so much and I will do my best to be there for them in their hard times as they are there for me always and forever. Lord thank you for the gift of life and the gift of everlasting second chances. Lord help me to stay on your path of glory and continually help us to prosper and have hope for the future. I love you God and in your holy name I pray. Amen.
